By: Regina Teltser
Explaining death to a child—is there any conversation harder? If the child is very young, they may not even fully understand what death is. And if they are old enough to grasp the concept, then they might be old enough to feel the full weight of whatever awful situation has made a conversation about death necessary. Whether they fully grasp the concept of death or not, though, children feel loss and grief and a whole mess of other complicated unpleasant things when someone dies, just like adults do. And sometimes—frequently, even—adults need help helping children to deal with all those complicated emotions. So, here are ten books to help children cope with death.
NOTE: this is not a list of the ten best books ABOUT death, but ten books to help children cope with death and loss. If it was a list of best books about death, I assure you Patrick Ness’s A Monster Calls would be on this list.
Lifetimes: the Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children
Bryan Mellonie
This book does exactly what it says on the cover—explains what death is and how it works. This is one of the major go-to books for introducing the concept of death to children, and it’s certainly mine. Gentle and simple, but not condescending or too euphemistic, with gorgeous illustrations. Good for ages 3-7.
The Goodbye Book
Todd Parr
This book is perfect for very young children experiencing death and loss for the first time. It does not explain what death is, but rather it addresses the different emotions and behaviors that result from losing someone. It is not actually specific to any particular type of death (death of a pet vs death of a parent vs death of a friend), but it does use a visual motif of a fish in a fish bowl missing another fish. It also offers coping strategies for the child (talking to someone, remembering you are still loved, etc.). Good for ages 3-6.
The Tenth Good Thing About Barney
Judith Viorst
Children are most likely to first experience death through the loss of a pet, which is what this book addresses. It is about a little boy whose beloved cat, Barney, dies. His family holds a funeral and helps him to feel better about the loss of his cat. Told from the little boy’s perspective, the story is very realistic in its representation of a child processing loss, and it is honest and straightforward. Heaven is mentioned by one character, but not portrayed as the definite truth. Decomposition is dealt with (in a comforting circle-of-life way, not a creepy rotting-cat-corpse way). Great for a child who loses a pet, but could work to address loss in general. Ages 4-8.
When Dinosaurs Die
Laurie Krasny Brown
This book is a frank and honest guide to death for children: what death is, how and why people die, different emotions that come up, what happens at funerals, and ways to cope. It acknowledges that sometimes babies die, that people sometimes kill each other or themselves, it has a glossary of terms in the back (“autopsy”, “corpse”, and “memorial service” among them), and there is at least one illustration of someone dead, presumably from getting hit by a truck (there is no blood in the illustration; the character simply looks like they’ve fainted). Some might raise a hew and cry about this being “inappropriate” or “too dark” for children, but I disagree. Sometimes, terrible things happen in children’s lives and they have questions that need real answers, not poetic metaphors and euphemisms. Frequently, it is more helpful to a child to acknowledge the darkness in their lives and deal with it head-on than to pretend it isn’t there or isn’t that dark. Good for ages 5-9.
Cry, Heart, but Never Break
Glenn Ringtved
After pets, the next most likely way a child will first experience death is through the loss of a grandparent, and this book addresses that kind of loss (though since the grandmother in the story is the primary caretaker of the four children, this cold also be used to address the death of a parent). In this book, Death is a character, but he isn’t scary or malevolent. He is polite, and gentle, and almost sad. The siblings try to trick Death into not taking their grandmother, who is very ill, but Death explains to them the importance of balance between the good and bad things in life, and the importance of endings. Beautiful, poignant, and deep. Good for ages 5-11.
Missing Mummy
Rebecca Cobb
The loss of a parent is just about the worst thing that can happen to a child (barring being abducted or something else truly gruesome). It’s even worse if the child is quite young, because 1) it means they got to have less time with that parent, 2) they are less prepared psychologically to deal with this tragedy, and 3) they might irrationally think it is somehow their fault. Missing Mummy is a book about a young boy whose mother has died (it’s never said how she died), and all the different things he feels about this (not just sadness, but anger and guilt and confusion). Throughout the book, the boy’s father is right there to love and comfort him, and help the boy find ways to remember his mother and understand death. Good for ages 3-6.
Charlotte’s Web
E. B. White
When you really think about it, this book is all about death. While there is, of course, Charlotte’s death at the climax of the novel (and it is one of the most beautiful and tragic death scenes in all of children’s literature), the whole novel revolves around the constant and imminent threat of Wilbur the pig’s death. Everything happens because Wilbur, quite understandably, wants to avoid the slaughterhouse: friendships are forged, schemes are hatched, adventures are had, LIFE happens because death might. And then this is juxtaposed by Charlotte’s acceptance of her own death at the end of a life well and fully lived. Add to this the novel’s repeated theme of killing for food (spiders don’t eat grass, after all), and you have a book that is all about death’s importance to life, which is a very comforting thing in the face of death’s inevitability. Good for ages 7-10, maybe a mature 6.
Any Dog Book
There’s that series of books that is now being made into a series of movies called “A Dog’s Purpose.” Want to know what a dog’s “purpose” in literature is? It’s to die, and break your heart. Doubt me? Old Yeller, My Dog Skip, Love That Dog, The Art of Racing in the Rain, Marley and Me, Where the Red Fern Grows, Sounder, Stone Fox, Island of the Blue Dolphins—do you see a pattern? If there’s a dog that befriends a child in a novel, nine times out of ten that poor pooch is marked for death. Now, as I’ve said, the death of a pet is most likely to be a child’s first real encounter with loss, and it’s. Going. To. Hurt. Counter-intuitive though it may seem, reading about another child losing a beloved animal companion can be comforting and helpful because it provides catharsis and lets them know that they aren’t foolish for mourning an animal. There are dozens and dozens of well-written dead-dog books out there beyond the ones mentioned above, but for my money I like Island of the Blue Dolphins (the dog’s death is a plot point but not the primary focus of the book) and Where the Red Fern Grows. Both good for ages 10 and up, or a mature 9.
Clayton Byrd goes Underground
Rita-Williams Garcia
This is another book about losing a grandparent (grandfather this time), but for older children. It’s also about what happens when the surviving adults in a child’s life aren’t 100% supportive and helpful to the kid’s grieving experience, which is realistic and likely. A lot of times, the adults around the child will be suffering and mourning, too; they can barely process their own emotions, let alone guide someone else through that psychological briar-patch. When Clayton’s grandpa, Cool Papa Byrd, kicks it, Clayton’s mom handles it badly, and Clayton has to navigate that terrible loss at least partly on his own. Added bonus: blues culture. Good for ages 9-12.
Bridge to Terabithia
Katherine Paterson
Sometimes children die; it’s terrible, and it feels unfair, but it happens. Children who lose a friend or playmate go through a whole extra set of worries (how likely is their own imminent death, what if they forget their friend, what if others do, are they even morally allowed to make new friends, etc.), especially if the surviving child didn’t have many friends to begin with. This beautiful and beautifully tragic novel deals with those tricky subjects. Good for ages 9-13.